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Wednesday 25 August 2010

There maybe trouble ahead!!!!!

Don't you just hate it when things are running smoothly some examples being....

You got up early and are running on time for work, school, church etc etc

Or

You've just been promoted at work or got a new job

Or

Your in a lovely new relationship and every things going well, or the same could be true for a long established one

Or

You've just found out you've got a winning lottery ticket

Just everything's going swimmingly and then you encounter a major road block!

I'm talking you loose the winning ticket on the way to cashing it (or more stupidly I read about a man who ripped up his winning ticket in a fit of rage and swallowed it-loser lol)

Or

You get made redundant a few days after accepting the new job or promotion (I know someone this happened to)

Or

You find out your new man has a new baby mother (where did she come from? Oh you slept with her while you was with me! I know someone this happened to)

Or

Or you turn a corner onto a particular road and encounter a major traffic jam on the way to being on time (this happens to me all the time - or so I tell my manager shhhh about this one lol!)

Life indeed throws many stumbling blocks, brick walls, challenges and hurdles your way at completely joyous and unexpected times

Oh why universe oh why? I hear you cry!

Life is like a box of chocolates you never know which one your gonna get (thank you forrest ghump!) Lol!

Oh dear ffs!

Rant over - my question is how do you overcome?

I am not one to shy away from challenges (I've often set myself some over the years examples are, go to uni, buy house, get new job, learn new skill etc) but sometimes you can be at a lose of how to deal with those unexpected ones.

Again I ask how do you overcome?

What are the coping mechanisms people? What can you do to overcome them?

Tuesday 24 August 2010

Love limits...

So I was off sick from work yesterday and between feeling sick and resting
I got in a good dose of Jeremy Kyle!
Now basically the show is a bit like Jerry Springer the only difference is that Jeremy is normally the one screaming at the guests, and although I don't necessarily agree with his methods (I'm not sure if he thinks that shouting at someone will make the point clearer?), however normally he does have some valid points...
i.e., If you knew she was an alcoholic why did you get her pregnant? (by the way -the show was about people with alcohol problems)
If you knew he was an alcoholic ten years ago why did you get married four years ago?
If you are always arguing,she is jealous & throws plates at you; and the only way to calm her down is to call the police why are you even with her?
Generally the answer to these valid questions usually involve the LOVE word... 
Now I love LOVE - just as much as the next person... But watching Jeremy Kyle shouting out these valid points really got me thinking about what people put up with in the name of love... I mean there was a women working two jobs whilst her husband was at home drinking (don't get me wrong I think alcoholism is a serious problem) and they have children too who are growing up in this environment and I just though where is the limit?? 
Equally for the women with plates flying at her, where is the Limit to loving someone but taking care of your own self esteem, emotional as well as physical wellbeing...
I mean maybe I'm a hard nut or something! Lol
But I can't understand letting someone treat you bad and staying with them. 
Although I can understand that you can still love someone who treats you badly.
So I was wondering are there any limits to love??? If so what are yours???

Friday 20 August 2010

The sound track of Si´s life...

Following on from Debs post: The BDSS: The Heart of the Matter!

Em mm the sound track of my life...

When I was 5 or 6 me, Sel and our older sister used to dance around the front room to Madonna’s Like A VIRGIN, Kylie´s I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY, Rick Ashley´s NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP etc (our older sister was very into her pop music back then!)

Around the same time we would go to family house parties and dance to sweet soca and reggae music – such as – NANNY WINE, TINEY WINEY, MY SWEETY MY SUGAR! SWEET MAMA I’LL NEVER FORGET YOU, JUST DON’T WANT TO BE LONELY (Freddy McGregor!), ZOUK LA SE SEI MEDIKAMAN!!

When I was in primary school me and my friends used to form a line and do the DOLLAR WINE in the playground!
In the playground of our flats we used to do the BOGLE, BUTTERFLY & HERCULES... ´All ah dem!´ lol

In secondary school - It was all about YOUR BODY’S CALLING, HONEY LOVE, AGE AIN´T NOTHING BUT A NUMBER – and just all those classic SLOW JAMS! (Jodeci, Keith Sweat, Aaron Hall, Adina Howard, Monica, Brandy etc!)

About the time I was 12 or 13 Sel and I spent a summer of fun with our auntie and cousin. We were out everyday having fun… noticing the ‘fitness in the shop´! … Wayne Marshall’s G-SPOT song and album was the sound track for that summer! – hormones raging! Lol

Around 1998 (I was 16/17) it was all about Beenie Man, Buju Bantan, Wayne Wonder and them classic dance-hall tunes! ‘I’m in a back seat working (?!), hustling on the side, the informers lurking trying to break my pride’!! ‘Give them da dance buss da dance’.

Around 1999/2000 unfortunately I was on some heartbreak soundtrack! lol ...NOT GONE CRY by Mary J, HEARTBREAK HOTEL by Whitney and other depressing songs!

But then I met the BDSS and it was fun times again... and we raved to songs like TURN ME ON by Kevin Little, BABY IF YOU GIVE IT TOO ME by Mariah Carey and Busta, LOG ON by Elephant Man and all them other do a dance Dancehall songs!
Also COME DOWN FATHER by Beres Hammond (Debs!), FRENZY by Sanchez, DRY CRY by Sizzla, PASSION by Militant

... I could go on but there are to many songs and not enough time!

So here are some more favorites...


The lyric´s alone are too funny...women listen!



I don´t even know what they are saying or even what language they are speaking, but I sing every word!



I love this one!



This one reminds me of my father who had Sanchez on repeat when we went to Barbados aged 10.



Sorry I have gone all old school!



Classic...

Update: I had to add one more...



On hearing this one my mum was like... ¨freking, freking, freking? what kind of song is that?!¨ lol

Thank you for walking down my music memory lane, now I want to walk down yours! ...What are your favorite songs that remind you of your your favorite people, your favorite time and place or not so favorite!!
The lane is yours...

Wednesday 18 August 2010

The Heart of the Matter!

So on an average Wednesday night, whilst waiting for the second round of Emmerdale to come forth (look, Wednesday night telly is dry, alright!) I switched over to a MTV Base and found them churning out the top 20 Justin Timberlake 'choons'. Don't get me wrong, I was never the die-hard fan but I appreciate some of his songs and especially when he gets serious with his lyrics. So came about the blast from the past 'What Goes Around Comes Around' and I'm like "oooh, that was my TUUNE [end high pitch!]". I think I got so wrapped up in nostalgia, how I used to enjoy hitting up the clubs with fellow BDSSs, that I immediately opened up my laptop with super enthusiasm and logged on with the intention of titling this blog after the 'tune'!!

But when it came down to it, I didn't feel inspired enough to start writing so I had a trawl down memory lane, through the songs that have made imprints in my heart throughout my life and stumbled across the following:

"These times are so uncertain, there's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness, how can love survive
In such a graceless age
. . .
"And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
Are the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the works they put between us, you know it doesn't keep us warm"
. . .
". . . All the people in your life, who've come and gone
Will let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Gotta put it all behind you, 'cause life goes on
You keep carrying that anger, it'll eat you up inside"

These are wise words from my girl India are from, yep you guessed it; 'The Heart of the Matter', who's been my source of musical inspiration through both the happy and also the tough times and the above is an extract from a song that I feel beautifully encompasses the two together. Although I understand this song is a cover, she has a soulful voice that seems to find its way around the lyrics and compositions in a way that sounds as though it was written on the spot for you and about a situation that you coincidentally happen to be going through at that time. She does it everytime, for example (and feel free to click on all songs mentioned in this blog in case you're not sure what I'm on about):

Brown Skin: for when I'm feeling sexy and wanna lay it on my dark skinned-brother (!) and Ready for Love: for the times where I never thought love would ever find me.

So I thought that this is what I'd share with you, on this dry Wednesday evening. However, to make things a lot more interesting, I included a few more chronological blasts from the pasts which I guess pretty much sums up the kind of well-rounded variety of moods that I tend to adopt from time to time - purely for your enjoyment (well ok, mine then!!)

'Come Down Father', Beres Hammond
'By Your Side' - Sade
'Turn Me On' - Kevin Lyttle
'Too Bad Mind' - Elephant Man
'Willie Bounce' - Elephant Man (hand prints on walls come to mind. . .)
'Back to Black' - Amy Winehouse (Bi knows!!!)
'Bed' - J.Holiday
'African Queen' - 2Face Idibia
'Borbor Pain' - Emmerson (for all my Sierra Leoneans out there!!)
'Year of the Lover' - Lloyd
'Skin' - R. Kelly

Tuesday 17 August 2010

A good deed TURNED...

If you have read my good friend Bi’s post: The BDSS: "I've always relied on the kindness of strangers" then you will know that an act of kindness can have a huge impact on someone’s life, which is a great thing.
However in this post I’m going to be talking about the not so greatness that comes when a good deed or an act of kindness turns the opposite of great, it turns into something else…

Now I know I’m not alone when I say that we all know people who when we give a little, they take a lot!!
These are normally the people who when your phone rings and you see its them calling, you think twice before answering… and if your anything like me, your initial enthusiasm in answering your phone quickly turns to a sinking feeling in your stomach, a feeling of panic and dread... as in what are they calling me for now? Basically, you know they are not calling for a friendly chat!

Unfortunately I am currently experiencing these types of phone call! lol

For example, yesterday I gave someone step by step instructions on how to set up an email account over the telephone. This was so they could renew their car insurance online…

Not so bad you might be thinking…

… Well I beg to differ! If anything I found it quite a stressful experience:

(This is me)

Type g mail in Google’… ‘Go to Sign up –no, ignore Sign in!’…’type in your first name’… ‘type in your second name’ …’copy the security code as it appears’… ‘If it is a capital ‘a’ type in ‘A’... if it is the number ‘1’ type in the number ‘1’!’…
So this went on for about 15 to 20 minutes. Eventually the email account was set up and I went back to my evening… a good deed done!

About half an hour later my phone rings! I look at the caller ID and a similar feeling of panic and dread set in... so I answered sheepishly…
´Hello?´(At this point I was worried they might actually ask me to search for car insurance for them!)... lucky they did not, phew!

The person proceeded… ‘Yeah Si, I´ve just done a search on comparethemarket.com but I was not very happy with the lowest quote I was given...’
I’m like …’OK
The person continues … ‘Do ya reckon I should try Elephant.co.uk instead?´

I was like … ´You can try who ever you like!´ whilst thinking...What the???!

It was at this point something dawned on me: All my good deeds and acts of kindness toward this person (i.e answering random questions like ´Si, I´m thinking about going Asda´s what time does it shut?´ my answer: ´I don´t know!´) lol -have turned into something more sinister ... a bloody DEPENDENCY! ...eek...
 
 
 
 

Sunday 15 August 2010

Words of wisdom from the other side......

There have been a few rare occasions that I have been given words of wisdom or insight into the ways men think about women from men, some of these have stood out more to me than being a mere subject of debate but have actually made me think and I will share them with you.

"Women are like ships they need a pirate to take them over"

Having heard this my initial reaction was WTF!! Pirates, ships? It made no sense other than being the arrogant words of an egotistical man, but looking back I have thought about what brought this man to such a conclusion about the opposite sex. Having spent time as a single lady I would often ask myself the following questions:

When will I meet the one?

Why are all the good men not coming my way?

Why doesn't he have the WHOLE package?

Why am I still single!!!!!???

The truth is I was meeting nice men, the problem was ME, I wanted a relationship, but for all the WRONG reasons. Rather than valuing what I had to offer and matching this up with a potential hubby, I spent far too much time in the imaginary fairy tale land that I loved so much as a child....

Prince Charming sweeps me 'Cinderella' off her feet, loves her for her, but comes with the whole package which she falls in love with, and they all live happily ever after - THE END.
Now if only it was so simple of course it isn't like that at all!! So many women like myself - of old, want a man to take over. It usually starts very simply, boy meets girl, boy calls, boy and girl go out for a few dates. Boy and girl realise that they have loads in common, boy says the right things and pushes the right buttons to literally push the buttons, girl cares more and boy knows it. Sometimes this works, they have a loving relationship work together as a team and enjoy the delights that the future brings. But sometimes after the 'boy knows it part' the girl puts all her eggs in one basket and the boy starts dropping them one by one.

Men will often test us ladies especially after they have got the kitty to see how far they can push us, they enjoy the chase and more often than not if we are one step ahead they will be at our mercy, if on the other hand we allow them to become pirates of our ships oh lawdy! That's when we leave ourselves open to ALL sorts of drama. I've seen it done, and had it done to me and it ain't nice at all. Pirates are treacherous always looking for treasure and trashing the rest of the ship - totally out of control. It starts in all sorts of ways, perhaps he doesn't call when he says he would, girl calls straight away, after all she's been waiting, anticipating his call. He doesn't answer, he hasn't forgotten but wants to test her, yep she's failed the first test! Instead of calling her girls, or going out and missing his call when he decides to call because she is so busy, she yearns to get that man on her ship again, and this consumes her.

He of course obliges to see her, but, when he is ready, not when she wants which is an hour after he decides to call, nah he will leave her for a few days more, playing it smart, and knowing that the longer he leaves this ship, the more she will yearn for him to get all the treasure he needs. This includes, a nice cooked dinner, massage, a bit of chat, and the rest.....and most importantly no repercussions of not sticking to his words.

This sort of behaviour will continue, missed phone calls, late night visits without prearranging them first, after all he knows she's waiting on him (her 10 daily text messages prove this), and he no longer has to spend money on dates, she is just happy to see him.

Yes she will moan to her girls that he is a dog, cheap and just using her, yep we ladies like to vocally air what we know is true, hell yeah, we will repeat the same thing about the same man day in day out. But following our own advice is a very different story. We will moan to the guy that you need more than this, we may even say the LOVE word just to let him know how serious we are. He of course is laughing, he has got this ship just where he wants it, he doesn't even need to worry about another pirate taking over this one, when he disappears for a week or two.

On the other hand had we played this pirate at his own game as my wise mother says "monkey see, monkey do" this man wouldn't want to even be the pirate, he would want to be the captain of your ship, with YOU. Missed phone call or dates, are punishable offences! Don't run him down! He knows what he has done, he's an adult. Getting on with your life shows him that you had a life before him and will have one thereafter. This will make him think, and he will be more eager to please and won't be doing that again in a hurry. Late night nightly booty calls, just turning up late, hell nah! You have beauty sleep to catch up on, on things to do! Make a man respect your time not think it's his right to dip in and out of it when he wants! Wanting to chill in your house whenever you see each other, NO WAY! I've learnt that we women should start as we mean to go on, if you want to be stuck indoors for many years then sure go ahead chill, but this will become an issue later down the line - trust me.

So I will end this post with the words of a man that I was moaning to once, and he said this to me which changed my whole perspective.

"A man will only treat you how you allow him to treat you"

Straight from the horses mouth! So simple, and yet so true! So ladies captain your ships with a strong heart, believe me there are many pirates out there!

Friday 13 August 2010

"I've always relied on the kindness of strangers"

If you haven't read the play - 'A Street Car named Desire', you may not recognise this poignant quotation. I've included it in this post to summarise how I feel about an old tutor that I ran into recently, who caused me to reflect on the strangers that come into our lives - some who stay around for a day, a month, a year or more, even a lifetime...

Jane saw me struggling with the shopping and baby Reu, I was too flustered to even recognise her staring at me, probably smiling to herself thinking about the first time we had met 8 - years prior.

It was open day at the college, after spending a year at home looking after my eldest son I knew that I needed more than a mundane life of nappies, Kilroy, and the excruciating poverty that being a young, single mother brings. How anyone could relish in living on benefits is beyond me, and these right wing fools that say it's a walk in the park should try it, because rationing nappies and being told - " I understand that your up the duff" when you have no money by an idiot at the social security office is the most demoralising thing, and not a self elected option for anyone that has confidence and self belief that certain situations in life can drain away from you.. I became obsessed with the little money I got, each pound was noted in a little black book and I would pull my hair out if even a pound wasn't accounted for - if only I had stayed that disciplined!

During my weekly shop I would go to the local supermarket, trying to make the money stretch, my son didn't eat meat then, so I would buy fish from the fishmonger in the store. Every week he would price the fish for less, I gathered this was to help me out as he never said anything which wasn't polite. I reminisce and think back to how much this meant to me, and I'm sure he knew it.

The highlight of my week was taking baby Ama to a local mother and baby group where I was the youngest and only single mother there. At night I would pray for us, pray to God to give me strength to get us out of this situation and provide my son with the life he deserved, and me, the life that I wanted.

I was in temporary accommodation then in Central London, and one day I received a phone call from the housing office out of the blue. It was from a total tw*t of an housing officer who went on to tell me that I will be moving to Margate!! I didn't know anyone there but he of course he didn't care, after all I was a young mother without much family in London, so an easy target. My only reason to stay would be if I was studying. Off I went straight to the local college explaining my predicament to the enrolment officer, because at this stage I wasn't studying. She promptly proceeded to give me the evidence I needed to get me onto a course - no Margate for me!

So there I was at this open day, struggling with a 9 - month old and waiting around. I went to see the principal to explain that I didn't want to have to do the then new AS and A2 levels in 2 years as having studied for 2 years prior and being unable to sit my A-level exams because I was pregnant and due at exam time I felt that I could do a condensed course of taking both years in 1 condensed year for my chosen subjects. She looked at me in a way that I had become accustomed to, and said "You can't do that you have a baby and it will be too much". Had I not been determined or lacked confidence that haunts us all at some points in our lives, I may have turned back and left that college for a life that perhaps would have been expected, but I was undeterred and just ignored her. The first tutor I went to see was Jane, she looked at me and smiled, as I explained what the principal had said and what I wanted to do. That's fine she said, along with all the other tutors I approached, Erica, Sue and Sean. They were willing to give me a chance and for that I will be forever grateful.

After I finished my studies at college, I went to university and spent another 3-years studying the most amazing subjects. Some people have said to me what can you do with subjects like that? I didn't care because I knew they would come in handy one day. The lecturers were again supportive and gave me the encouragement I needed when I became discouraged. During this time I took driving lessons, having failed on my first try I was deflated. Money was tight and I knew that I couldn't afford more. My instructor a brilliantly dynamic Ghanaian man who I wish to this day I had kept in contact with, offered to give me free lessons until I passed. Now I know people that have passed after 9 attempts so this was a pretty big gesture which I took wholeheartedly, and 2 months later I passed!

I finally graduated and to celebrate took Ama to Egypt, to spend some quality time together. Sitting on the beach I recall thinking of the many strangers that had helped us along the way, some of whom continue to offer the support and who are no longer strangers but dear friends, others who have faded out of my life as quickly as they faded in. Wherever they are, I wish them well, and dedicate this post to those who have helped me so much, and expected so little...the universe knows who you are, and I pray that you are rewarded - Insha'Allah

Thursday 12 August 2010

Is your partner supposed to be your bestfriend?

Deluded or juvenile as this may be but whenever I have dreamt of settling down and getting hitched, I've always envisaged my partner as being my best friend.
I'd say that in my dating life I've had one experience where my partner has been that, which has been my longest relationship to date which lasted 7 years (check me out-that was a good innings lol), but since then, my partners have been simply boyfriends. There has been no great friendship that I can identify with all but a very small minority (1 other I can think off).
A year into my current relationship almost, it will be 1 year in september...now that our honeymoon period is over :( I am beginning to question. Is this a best friend? Is it even appropriate for me to be wanting such a thing? or is it something that harks back to when I was reading fairytale's of prince charming. The funny thing is I know that the prince in snow white, cinderella and the like all rescued the princess, but I'm not entirely sure they became best friends! I'm not sure where that notion comes from!

But anyways what do you think bloggers are partners supposed to be best friends? Is your partner your best friend? What's that like? (So I can compare lol).

Wednesday 11 August 2010

Welcome to the phenomenal women blog - part of bdss

Hello and welcome to my first blog on bdss!

If your not familiar with the maya angelou poem “phenomenal woman”, then you will probably think from the name of my blog that I am a completely conceited woman walking around thinking I'm phenomenal, well as great as i think I am, its more a tribute to the fabulous contributors to the bdss blog. We are a group of women expressing ourselves and everyone is welcome to join in!

So here goes first ever blog (I'm nervous lol)

I love the above poem as it inspires me to feel confident and womanly it says I am a women phenomenally, phenomenal woman that's me :) love it lol!

Its got me wondering what other things make me feel completely awesome and rocking....

1) A big hug and kiss from my son

2) Getting in some me time

3) Completing a goal or challenge I've set for myself

4) Spending time with good family and friends

5) Being inspired


........So my phenomenal ladies can you think of anything else?

Tuesday 10 August 2010

Although he got a young back, he don't know about that real stroke... and other benefits of growing old!

Thank you Brian McKnight for those words of wisdom! I agree with that sentiment...although being young is good, certain things only come with age!

...And as me and Selly are turning 29 next month, I thought I'd list some of the good things that have come to me with growing older.

First, as I have gotten older I have grown more comfortable and confident in myself. I no longer stress out about things I have no control over and just enjoy my life...misery don´t like my company no more, fact! lol

Second, I no longer need someone else to complete me and I have slowly but surely grown content in my own self... (I`m giving myself a hug right now!).

Another thing that has come with age is that when I go raving I don't have to be in the tightest or shortest dress or the highest heels to feel sexy because I feel sexy in my own skin. Plus sexiness is all in the mind and I can still be sexy in tracksuit pants trust! (and no I don´t wear track pants to the club!), you see because I´m grown I don´t really go clubbing anymore...

Also as I have gotten older my relationships have become more stable, less confusing and more fulfilling, and right now I love being in a grown folks relationship dealing with grown folk issues in a grown folk way (thank you Selly for that quote!), meaning although we might argue and get on each others nerves... we don´t throw in the towel and break up ... we thrash things out, we discuss, agree, compromise and sometimes even agree to disagree! (how mature are we?).

I can only think of a few random examples at the moment, I would try and think of more but I´m tried and my back is aching!

...Please feel free to begin were I have left off and tell me more good things that have come to you with age... (besides wisdom, grace and better stroking technique!)

Monday 9 August 2010

The Other Woman!

So, I'm sure that many of you will be able to relate with the oh so familiar tell-tale signs. . . once upon a time, there existed the feeling like you were the only thing that mattered and was on his mind 24/7. The honeymooning state of being 'inseparable' and wishing away the hours that you're apart until you're together again. The knowledge that you came first on his list of 'can't waits' to see, talk to or 'do' (nudge, nudge, wink wink!!).

Now, there's another woman I'm constantly having to battle against for his attention and I think I'm loosing that battle . . . damn the person who invented that blasted game of FOOTBALL!!! UUURRRGGHH, I'm telling you, my frustration is unreal. How the hell could football be such a large part of my life and I don't even follow the sport??? Let me break down the seriousness of Beau's addition . . .

From the Premier League, the Coca Cola Football League, the National League, the Sunday League, the European league, World Cup fever, promotion and relegation within these leagues and the amateur leagues I find myself driving to and fro cos he's playing in them, it's the bain of my life cos he watches them all. He'd be forgiven if it was just the Man U and rival matches that he found interest in, but no - such is my luck that he's into them all. If it were Martian United vs T-Rex Rangers, trust me, he'll be watching it :D

But you'd be forgiven for thinking that's where it ends cos it soooo doesn't. When none of the above are happening, the presence of 'the other woman' lives on in the electronic form of Fifa 10 (Xbox) or Football Manager (laptop). I mean, does 'she' get all the quality time??

I take solace in knowing that I'm not alone and far from the only one exisiting in a threesome and maybe you, my lovelies, will be able to relate to one or more the following physical appearances that the 'Other Women' uses as a disguise:

1. Xbox or Playstation
2. Laptop or PC
3. iPhone apps or BBM
4. .coms / htmls / website managament / blogs
5. Music & studio (as in, "I'm going studio to spit my rhymes". . !)
6. DJing / promoting / mixing
7. The car, the rims, the trim, the sound system
8. The garms and the bling (referring to them as such is enough to deal with)
9. Work/The Office
10. A best friend (you know the kind, that one that makes you shudder upon sight, or comes to the 'yard' expecting to yam it out, bun it out and 'go larng' like to say he's sharing the bills!)

and the list most probably goes on. Admittedly, I have a thing for BBM but not the point which would mean that there's four of us in the relationship!!!

What do I do to try and win this battle?? I feel that I've tried everything from distraction (naughty negligee), to tolerance (say nothing and pay it no attention) to outright frustration ("haven't you finished with her yet???") to compromise ("alright, show me how to play this thing then!") to eventual defeat (*screw face*), and none have seemed to even phase him. Well, there was a momentary agreement to every other day but that took only about a week to dwindle. It's difficult to not think that no one else's 'other woman' can be this invasive their lives - am I wrong??

I'll let you know if I manage to 'foot' the 'ball' to a less significant position in my life. But please don't hold your breath because I can't be done for manslaughter.

Tuesday 3 August 2010

Do you believe?

I came across some words that are very deep in meaning which I hope will become very influential in the way that we perceive and live our lives and the people involved.

I Believe. . .

. . . that just because two people argue it doesn't mean they don't love each other, and just because they don't argue it doesn't mean they do love each other.

. . . that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

. . . that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

. . . that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

. . . that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

. . . that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be

. . . that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

. . . that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

. . . that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

. . . that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

. . . that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

. . . that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

. . . that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

. . . that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

. . . that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

. . . that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

. . . that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

. . . that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

. . . that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret, it could change your life forever.

. . . two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

. . . that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

. . . that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

. . . that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

. . . that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

. . . the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything they have.

QUESTION: Do you believe all of the above? I am still struggling with a few myself but then what substance does life have without effort and subsequent progressions?

But then, I also believe that all efforts in trying to CONVINCE yourself into believing this will be in vain, but in surrendering it all to Him; The Creator, The Healer - you will believe.

Monday 2 August 2010

You made your bed... SO LIE IN IT!

So I was talking with some family of mine about life, love and relationships, you know the usual stuff...

Mistakes made, lessons learnt and future desires...

Things were going ok until we got onto the subject of someone who is very dear to me, and I mean literally this person can do no wrong in my eyes, for all what they have done for me over the years, I would defend this person to the very end!

Unfortunately for some reason the family member I was talking with does not hold this person up to the same level as I do, in fact I get the impression that they might quite be willing to throw the other person under the bus! So I,m talking Total opposite ends on the spectrum of ideas!

Anyway, we're talking about how the person that I adore has been in a very unhappy long term relationship and that even though at times we have both had conversations saying they should get out and there have been what we both saw as perfect opportunities to get out, they still stayed for what ever reason.

So there´s me saying no trust me I truely believe that if such and such (the correct finances etc) were in place RIGHT NOW that this person would definitely breakout and leave this relationship - and the reason that I know this is because this person tells me so near enough everyday (literally!)

So then my family memeber drops the classic line... well she made her bed, so she is lying in it! She must be getting something out of it... etc... etc.

Now what got me was not necessarily what this person was saying but HOW it was said... as if this person just had no compassion for what the other person might be going through... it was like a brick wall!!

To the point were there was a moment of tension in the conversation like ´nooo... seriously, trust me...(through gritted teeth!) lol

I just thought it was so cold, considering that the same person saying 'she made her bed...' was also at one point in a long term relationship which possibly was not the best for her, and it was the same women who she has no compassion for now who had compassion for her ... and I mean literally she left and knocked on her door with bags already packed and asking for help...

At the time though I was not able to articulate it... seriously think about it...

What if in your time of need you knocked on her door and she had the same attitude that you have right now... You made your bed, SO LIE IN IT! Where would you be if she never had compassion for you? and helped you?

My point is ...think, because everybody hits rock bottom at some point in life and it is at those times that we need someone to show us some compassion whether I made my bed or not!